I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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