I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
