A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
