Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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