I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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