I just gift wrapped bread.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
