we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
