god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
