I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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