she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
