i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
