i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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