At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
