I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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