Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
