Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
