What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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