I think i peed on brittanys purse
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
