I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
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Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
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I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
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