Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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