Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
