You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both