I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk