I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.