i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
