i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
