You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Are we still banned from the library?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
