Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
We should try that some time.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Dating After Heartbreak
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Semen is not good for contacts.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.