Swine flu. Run for my life!
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b