Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize