Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??