You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
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I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
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I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.