i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
