toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
