Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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