Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
