She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
