take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Randomize
