flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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