remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
