I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
