you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
