so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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