WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
