He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
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Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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