Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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