I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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