just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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