I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
