We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
