shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Randomize