butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
