It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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