Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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