Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
