Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
