i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Send help, water and tortillas.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
