she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
